Posts

Fuck Comfort! Learn to Live in the Pocket!

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Have you ever flown Southwest? If not let me begin by telling you there is no seating arrangement. Sure, you can spend $15 dollars to be one of the first to step on the plane, but it is still first come first serve. The way you become first is 24 hrs. to the second that your flight is to take off you check in, and depending on when you check in you are filtered into a que by 3 groups of 60. It just so happened last Thursday I was at work when I was supposed to check in and ended up as B36. What that means is no window seat, and maybe no aisle seat except at the very back. Now I am a man who likes my personal space. I have a bubble I call it. Nobody is allowed within my circle of comfort without my approval, and if you impose yourself upon me you best know you irritate me. And if just so happens you are irritating to begin with, and then you enter my circle, fists may be thrown. Obviously, I hate flying for that reason alone. I always try for a window or aisle seat, that w...

What’s the Fucking Problem with Pessimism? It’s Only Natural!

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At the tail end of my freshmen year of high school I realized something, I was a fucking loser. I spent most of my time with video games and my friends, and no time on academia or myself. Not wanting to have the repeat of failed grades and low self-esteem I decided I would join a sport. This would force myself to spend time on my grades, so I could maintain my GPA to compete, and in turn would take away my idle time from Nintendo and place it in personal development. Not knowing anything about sports, and my lack of hand eye coordination, I decided to join the swim team. It also helped that a lot of my friends, and the girl I had a crush on at the time were already on the team. There was only one problem, I didn’t know how to swim. On top of that I had a brush with drowning 3 years prior that kept me out of the water. Despite my reservations, on the final week of school I marched myself into my counselor’s office and told her for my schedule next year I would like 6 th p...

Whatever Happened to Focused Effort...What Was I Talking About?

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I went to the grocery store this past week. My 3-yr.old was in the shopping cart playing with the packages of food we would purchase, and my 1-yr. old, fed up with shopping, sat in the child seat of the shopping cart wailing uncontrollably. As we stood in line the 3-yr. old joined the chorus of complaining his younger brother had been the conductor to. I tried to get them quiet. I tried forcefulness. It didn’t work. I next loving encouraged. Nope. I tried entertaining them, funny faces, high fives, the whole works. I think it made it worse. I began to use my trump card of threatening: “When your mother gets home you boys are in for a spanking!” They smugly looked at me and continued their complaining. Having exhausted all my known resources I turned my attention to the tabloids, which where conveniently placed in eye level, in hopes that my children might quiet down from my inattentiveness. In a short time, I became distracted. As I read the covers of the royal baby bump,...

Son, That Slide You Are Going Up Is Getting You Nowhere!

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This past weekend I found myself with my wife and kids at a small park. My 3-yr. old, an expert on parks at this point, ran amuck on the playground equipment. He flew across the monkey bars, down the slides, and over the sand. My 1-yr. old on the other hand is not so quite accomplished as his brother. He required assistance the entire time. Whether it was going down a slide, up a platform, or through a tunnel, I needed to be there every step of the way helping him when he needed it. Eventually my 1-yr. old decided that he wanted to do things on his own, so knowing the value of learning I allowed him to do just that. I still hovered around in case something would happened. At one point I sat on a bench a short little distance off while he attempted to ascend a slide to reach a platform above him. With each step he took forward he would eventually slip, fall on his face, and slide back down to the beginning. Despite these setbacks his 1-yr. old spirit would not be broken. S...

It's Still A Teddy Bear's Arse...

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My one-year old son’s current favorite movie is the 1977 Walt Disney classic, The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh . In the beginning story of the film, Pooh, in the search of satisfying his never quenching hunger, visits his friend Rabbit for lunch. After gorging himself on all of Rabbits honey, Pooh, begins to crawl out of the rabbit hole he entered Rabbit's home in, but discovers the doorway has shrunk. To Pooh's realization he has become too engorged to climb out of Rabbits house or go backwards for that matter. He is stuck. Rabbit is then faced with the reality that a Teddy Bear's Arse will be adorning the wall of his humble abode until Pooh can become thin enough to squeeze himself free. Rather than face the reality of his situation Rabbit attempts to frame the bears arse. But Rabbit discovers no matter the angle of the frame he places around Pooh's ass, he only sees Pooh bears rear end. His next attempt is to cover the bear's ass with ...